I Need Close Friends
Pastor Dave Monreal, Lead Pastor
“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
This might seem like a strange confession, but it is a practical reality in my life, and I think in the life of every guy. I’m only going to be speaking to the guys here because you ladies seem to have the friendship thing down pretty well. The reality is that most women understand that friendships are about relationships while most guys need friends in order to do things. For guys, friendship often tends to be more about events and activities rather than as an end in itself.
Why do I need friends? I need friends because I need other guys to speak into my life and confront me when I make excuses about my behavior. Admit it guys, if your wife or girlfriend comments on you acting like a brute you just shrug it off and tell yourself she doesn’t understand what it’s like being a guy. We have all this energy and testosterone coursing through our bloodstream and that’s just something women don’t always understand. But if another guy calls me out on something I can’t use that excuse and have to confront my sin.
I remember reading a comment in a book by Stu Weber called Tender Warrior where he said that the average guy could easily find six pallbearers to carry his casket but not have one close friend if he needed to talk at 1:00 AM. I don’t want to be that guy who feels totally alone and isolated from others. I know it isn’t easy for guys to share their hearts and lives with others and get behind the superficial surface of talking about sports and movies. We can hang out with people our whole lives and never let them see beneath the surface. I think we tell ourselves, if they really knew what we were like they wouldn’t like us or want to be around us. That fear keeps us apart.
The very reality that I don’t have it all together and I haven’t figured it out is another reason that I need close friends. When we wear masks and hide behind an image, we live lives of isolation and emptiness. I think that Satan loves nothing more than when we keep all to ourselves. Just like in warfare, it is much easier to be shot down when no one is watching our back and we find ourselves all alone in enemy territory. The Devil is a roaring lion seeking someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8). If you watch a lion hunt the first thing he does is separates his prey from the rest of the pack. How convenient that we often decide to isolate ourselves. A close friend can challenge us when he sees that we’re going off track too!
I need friends to share life with. Obviously, we have our wives and children, but we also need a few buddies to hang out with and just be guys. I think that guys usually have this figured out when we are in our teens and 20’s but somewhere along the line we either think it’s no longer important or we don’t think it is possible. Of course, there are those guys who neglect their families and want to live like they have no responsibilities and clearly that’s wrong. But we need friends to hang out with, live life together, share ideas and random thoughts, and just enjoy one another’s company.
For me a friend is someone who knows me exactly as I am, warts and all. That friend is someone who cares about me and loves me for me. There is an ease and naturalness about the friendship. This doesn’t mean that you and your friends have to have everything in common. You may have different tastes, background, education, experience or age but there is still that common bond that draws you together.
God never intended for any of us to go it alone. We all need a few good friends.
