Cultivating an Attitude of Trust

Pastor Dave Monreal, Lead Pastor

There is an old saying, “once bitten, twice shy.”  There is a lot of truth in this cliché.  When we have been mistreated or tricked we become gun-shy and are more untrusting of others.  Our natural tendency is to question the motives and intents of others.  We become suspicious of others and begin to look for hidden motives and secret agendas.  Of course we have a reason to think that if it has happened in the past.  The danger is in seeing conspiracies that aren’t really there.

I have a friend who buys into conspiracy theories.  He believes that every president since George Washington has been a part of the Illuminati, a secret organization that actually runs the world and human events.  I have a hard time figuring out where divine sovereignty and the guiding hand of providence play into his thinking.  Whenever I point out a blatant historical inconsistency to his theory he says that they do that to throw us off the track.  If one party wins a presidential election four years later the other party wins he argues that is just more proof of their diabolical scheme.  Every policy change is controlled by this secret organization.  If you are convinced of the premise that there is this secret organization you will see the conspiracy under every rock.

There is a concept referred to as confirmation bias. Confirmation bias is the idea that we tend to believe or favor information that “proves” what we already believe is true. We also tend to dismiss or ignore information that contradicts our convictions on what we believe is true. Someone who is caught up in a conspiracy theory will accept ideas that confirm his ideas regardless of the source of those ideas. Interestingly, with many conspiracy theories, lack of proof is proof that the conspiracy is true. If there is no evidence to prove an idea, the lack of proof is conclusive evidence that those in charge are gifted at completely hiding their conspiracy! It is possible for us to do that with people as well. We get an idea about someone and then read all their behaviors and words in light of our preconceived notion.

Paul says in 1 Corinthians 13:7 “(Love) bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”  The idea behind “believes all things” is this, love is willing to give the benefit of the doubt when a motive is in question.  Someone does something and you aren’t sure why he did it your mind can go in one of two directions.  You can assume the best or you can assume the worst.  When we have been burnt in the past it is easy to assume the worst.  That is the tendency that Paul tells us we must not do as Christians.  This doesn’t mean that we become foolish and naïve.  We must be as wise as serpents and innocent as doves.  We don’t walk around allowing people to abuse and mistreat us because we can’t use wisdom to discern motives.  What it does mean is that we give people the benefit of the doubt when we are not sure of the reasons for an action.  We are willing to go to that person in private without talking to others.

This truth has implications on a personal level as well as a church.  Husbands and wives often drive a wedge between their relationship through doubt, mistrust and suspicion.  Friendships are divided when they don’t give one another the benefit of the doubt.  I am sure we can all think of a time that has happened in our lives.  It can happen in a church as well.  Sometimes the seniors become suspicious of younger members, “They want to take over the church and run us out.”  Younger adults become suspicious of seniors, “They don’t care about us, all they care about is keeping their traditions.”  Congregations can also become suspicious of leadership and call into question every decision. And leaders can become suspicious of church members believing they will oppose every new idea.

How do we remedy this?  First, we must love others enough that we are willing to give them the benefit of the doubt.  Then, we must take the time to get to know others so we can understand where they are coming from and what they are really all about.  As our love and trust increases suspicion and mistrust will decrease.