Don’t be an Example to Your Kids!

Pastor Dave Monreal, Lead Pastor

Okay, did I get your attention? Maybe that’s a bit of an overstatement so let me clarify and then explain what I mean. Don’t merely be an example to your kids. Did that help? Not really? Well, let me explain what I am trying to say.

When I was a youth pastor at the same church for several years, I got to know a lot of families and observe a lot of different situations. One of the things that I noticed was that the kids who struggled most in their faith were most often from homes where their parents were inconsistent in their faith. The parents (interestingly most often the dad) acted one way at home and another at church. Many of these parents were highly committed volunteers and leaders at church.

But wait Dave, doesn’t the Bible say that we should be an example? It sure does! “I urge you, then, be imitators of me.” (1 Corinthians 4:16) “Be imitators of me, as I am of Christ.” (1 Corinthians 11:1) The Greek word for imitator is the word from which we get the English word “mimic”. It means imitate or follow. So, am I now contradicting Scripture? Just bear with me a little longer.

What I am getting at is really a question of motives. Why do I serve? Do I serve others and minister to others just so that my kids can see me and follow my example? In other words, I may really not want to serve (or give or help or volunteer) but I am going to do it so the kids see that I am doing it and they realize that it is a good thing for them to do. But kids pick up on this. They pick up on the fact that the only time that you serve is when the spotlight is on you and as soon as it is turned off you are back to focusing on yourself.

You should serve because you recognize the greatness of God’s love for you in the gospel, that you love God in response to His love for you, and you desire to practically express this love in your obedience to Him. You serve because it is in your heart to serve. It is the overflow of what God is pouring into your heart by His grace. You would do it regardless if anyone saw you or not. And in fact, you kind of hope no one sees you because you are really doing this so that your Father sees what you are doing in secret (see Matthew 6:1-4)

Now we can go back to the issue of being an example. When you are talking to your kids you can begin to point out to them all the ways that you serve out of love for God and that it is your joy to serve because it blesses God and others. You didn’t do these things just so your kids could see. You didn’t do them just to be an example. You did them because of your love for your Heavenly Father. But you children not only see your actions, they see that these are consistently your motives, and you aren’t just doing them to put on a show but because you love Jesus. You can say to them be an example of me. They will know that you didn’t just serve to make a point or a statement. You didn’t just serve to be seen. You served out of humble love.

We need to recognize why we do the things we do. It may be odd to say, but sometimes I must repent of doing ministry! I realize that I did something just to make a point, to be an example, or to be seen by men. Paul lived his life to the glory of God so that the people closest to him could examine every facet of his life and see where his heart and motives were. Then he could say, “What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me — practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” (Philippians 4:9)